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A story is only as good as the storyteller.

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essay

Lessons in love( from the heartless)

So here we are….the festival of love.

They were the worst three months of his life so far. He did not have time for love or the emotional capacity to do so. His mind was in tatters and to risk his heart would have been a grave undertaking.And it was all right, he dealt with his problems,survived, was partly satisfied with himself and up to a certain degree maybe even in control. He was never happy thought, it was almost as if he had forgotten how to smile..

The reason you should love someone, the only reason on god’s green earth for you to truely love is happiness. Only love the people who make you smile, who make you forget for a second all that gnaws at your soul when you are alone on a dark night made darker by the demons inside, because everybody has them.

Never love the people who don’t value your love. Its a common ailment of out times that to scorn love has become fashionable but what the other party fails to realize is that it is much harder to love someone than it is to scorn the same. You have to be willing to take a risk, to chance your happiness on the choice of your partner.

What do I know of love? Nothing except that if you give it to me, I shall value it. Care for the people who care about you. They say that love hits you like a thunderbolt, that you have no choice in who you love. Maybe they are right, didn’t I tell you love is a funny thing, tough to gain and easy to lose.So cherish what you have for you have a lot?

To open yourself up to another person, to let them know what haunts you is no easy task. It is tough to love, only the brave can do it.

 

 

to be continued….

DISILLUSIONMENT AND HOPE

My life is in disarray, that is just the way it is. It’s all right but it’s not really all right. Sometimes I get a glimpse of a bright future but life forcefully pushes me back into disillusionment. I try to believe that things couldn’t possibly be worse but the truth is that it could be a lot worse and it’s because of this very reason that I can’t give in to helplessness. It’s because of this very reason I must.

But even while I fight I must remember that actions have consequences or is it the fear in me I detect. I don’t fear them but I fear what they could do to my future and the well being of those I love and cherish .I think they are pathetic but even a fly can irritate you. It gets more and more complicated as each day passes by but some of it is my own fault too. I’m not blaming myself or anyone else because things could have turned out different as well but they didn’t.

Of all the parallel universes this is most likely not the best. I’m not the best version of me at least not yet. I will need to harness my inner strength and courage as well as making good use of the intelligence that God gave me .I need to do something but sometimes even this very urge can be paralyzing. I want to write, I wish to be free to do so. I wish to go somewhere, knowing that my loved ones are well cared for even better take them along with me. I don’t want to worry about things as mundane as survival. I want to think of things beyond survival, I wish to live my life and experience joy not helplessness. It’s not entirely my fault where I am and it never is but I am not entirely without blame either.

I need to accept what is and move on and the only thing which will allow me to do so is hope, the hope that the glimpse of a bright future which I sometimes get won’t remain a glimpse forever but reality. The hope that I will be the best version of me and more and this universe will no longer be dark but refreshing and free, the way it’s meant to be.

BEAUTY AND THE BLIND

Most of us wake up each new day only to spend it just as we had the previous day because we don’t think that anything has changed. We have been alive so long that we see beautiful things every day until we no longer acknowledge their beauty but for very brief moments.

When did you last wake up early just to enjoy a sunrise, sit back and relax? When was the last time you took a few minutes to sit back and admire at the beauty of a flower, feel its soft petals or take in its refreshing fragrance? When was the last time you looked at a painting or even a building that took your breath away and appreciated the effort put in by the artist or the architect. Could it be that we are simply too busy to appreciate the beauty around us? Could it be that we are blind to it?

If most of us are in fact blind to the beauty around us, how do we regain our sight ? We take a step back, enjoy and appreciate the beauty around us. You could wake up early and take a few minutes to admire a sunrise, painting, building and even a flower which is especially easy to come by.

Take any flower for example a rose, sit back and marvel at it for moment. You are the blind man who is seeing it for the first time. Do you notice how the petals appear to be a shade darker on the inside towards the center and lighter at the outer fringes? I think it’s because of being in the shadow of the outer petals. It’s petals appear to unravel at the borders. At the center it appears as if whatever was to be unravelled is safe for the petals close in on it. It almost seems as if the petals of the rose spiral around its center worshipping their own beauty.

THE STORIES WE TELL

Is this a story?

Is this a confession?

Or is this something much more common, something called life?

Is it your life?

Is it mine?

Your life is nothing like mine and so it stands to reason that my life be nothing like yours. In this case life is uncommon, all of us have it but not all of us lead it the same way.

Your life is simple.

Your life is complicated.

Your life is an intricate web of simplicity and complications and so is mine.

I feel confused all the time.

Do you?

It sure as hell doesn’t seem that way. You are so sure of yourself all the time. You don’t seem to break a sweat going through life while I could drown in buckets of mine, metaphorically that is.

Sometimes though drowning sounds like a great idea. Oh how I sometimes am tempted to drown myself in hopelessness and self pity and let the world take its course and guide me.

Will I even acknowledge the directions that life gives me?

Have I ever?

I would not be in this position if I had.

Do you?

Acknowledge the directions, that is. Is this the reason for your success, your contentment?

But then again I could appear the same to your uncomprehending eyes. We may look alike but inside none of us are the same.

How can we be? I didn’t get the gifts on your birthday, now did I, unless of course we were born on the same day, which is not all that unlikely?

What I mean is that you and I couldn’t possibly have had all the same experiences in life?

Have you ever wondered how some people manage to disappear, to hide from the harsh realities of life while others are left behind to pay their dues?

Do you wonder what it would feel like to disappear? You could leave everything behind and move to somewhere far away, somewhere where nobody knows you. You could be anyone. But would you ever be the same again having left behind everything you hated and loved? But then again you can never really leave all that behind, for they will always exist in the tendrils of your thoughts, floating inside your head and many times even in the foremost parts of your indulgent brain.

How do we manage to put random words which would mean nothing on their own into something so beautiful? It’s like creating order out of chaos.

Even after all my ramblings the most important question still stands- Do you wonder?

Do you question all there is and all there will be? Do you wreck your brains trying to figure out something which has existed for as long as you can remember but no longer makes any sense. You must! You must question everything for without questions there would be no answers. There would be no poets, writers, singers, dancers, artists, scientists and even politicians. There would be no creation for there would be nothing left to create.

REGRET,WHAT FOLLOWS AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

Life is a journey and death is the destination. It is not a set path. It takes shape as we go.  Our path intersects with that of others and we get trapped in this tangle of lives, so much so that we forget to live .In the end we are left bitter with the taste of regret. Regret at things left undone and words unsaid .

Regret can be dangerous, it can render you helpless, but only if indulged in often. We can never know what could be but only what is and that which is might not be what we wished for.

So what? Do you just forget everything that happened? No you don’t, you forgive yourself but don’t forget.

How do you come to regret something in the first place? It’s just that you think that there was something you could have done different and everything would be all right.

If you think about it, yes there was something different which you could have done and things would be different. You could have had more courage, been more decisive, had more of a presence of mind, had thought things through and a million other things which you could have had and done.

In the end though, no matter how much you think about it, its done and there is nothing you can do about it apart from trying to salvage the situation you created. You can curse yourself, lose sleep over it, or you can move on and make things right. No matter how small you will always have the window of opportunity to make things right only if you have the courage to do so.

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